Nuklear Age by Brian Clevinger

Author:Brian Clevinger [Clevinger, Brian]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: Fantasy, General Fiction, Science Fiction, C429, Extratorrents, Kat
ISBN: 9780595325115
Publisher: iUniverse
Published: 2004-09-14T00:00:00+00:00

“Please state your name and occupation,” Count Insidious said.

“I am Fred, a prophet of Zarnak the Everloving.”

“So you’re a religious leader.”

“That is right, my son. I have endeavored to preach the word of Zarnak to all who may hear it. He loves you, but if you do not love him, he will put you into the most excruciatingly hellish tortures for all eternity. It’s tough love.”

“And what experiences have you had with the Defendant?”

“Well, none really. But that demonspawn of his, that vile Atomik Lad. Oooh, I don’t like him at all. He oppressed me because of my religious beliefs.”

“Oppressed you, a religious leader? I find that interesting ,” Count Insidious said as he approached Atomik Lad. “I could’ve sworn we had a little thing called Freedom of Religion in this country! But apparently this Atomik Lad and Nuklear Man enjoy stomping all over the Bill of Rights almost as much as they like destroying two hundred and fifty thousand dollars of my client’s property! No more questions,” he spat while walking back to Dr. Menace.

“But I must preach the Word of Zarnak and his Eternal Love to the doomed masses I see before me.”

“Oh, no you don’t,” Judge Hangemall snapped. “Y’all git down from that witness stand, y’hear?”

“Just as soon as I distribute these informative pamphlets entitled, ‘So You Want To Be Saved From The Most Excruciatingly Hellish Tortures For All Eternity?’”

“Bailiff Civil Defender! Git this fruitcake outta my court.”

“But I don’t want to be tortured for all eternity,” Civil Defender said. “His ideas make me curious and I wish to learn more.”

A horde of Zarnakian monks flowed into the courtroom to disperse their literature of salvation to the soon to be Saved masses.

Judge Hangemall pounded his gavel. “Order! I demand order in this court!”

“But your honor,” Fred said. “Your lives were all chaos. With us, you will have the order which you so desperately seek.”

The Judge blinked. “Really?”

“Yes, it’s all detailed in this easy to read pamphlet. Why don’t you take a look, hm?”

“Don’t mind if I do.”

Atomik Lad stood up defiantly. “This is complete nonsense!”

“Do not listen to the heretic!” Fred ordered. “Zarnak will take care of you all.”

As if from nowhere, but probably from the hallway just outside of the courtroom, a massive flaming chainsaw shaped like a great spiked ankh was thrown into the wall behind Fred, missing the Zarnakian Zealot’s head by a mere three inches.

“You missed,” a sullen girl’s voice rang over the now silent religious ruffians.

“WENCH! THE ODDS WERE STACKED IN MY FAVOR. HIS ARMOR CLASS COULDN’T BE ANY BETTER THAN THAT OF A MERE ELFODDERIAN SAGEKEEPER FROM THE VILLAGE OF WEAKMORE NEAR THE SOMEWHAT UNINSPIREDLY NAMED PLAINS OF FLATLAND. THAT, COMPOUNDED BY MY +5 GULTANGIAN BLESSED FLAMING ANKHSAW, SHOULD HAVE SEALED THIS PATHETIC WORM’S FATE. BUT NO, YOU HAD TO SHIFT YOUR WEIGHT AT THE LAST MINUTE AND MAKE ME MISS!”

Sorrow gracefully avoided the spikes of Henry’s armor as she slid from his shoulder pad and stood next to him. She brandished two fists full of obsidian ankh retribution.

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